Real Heroes are Sandwiches: June 2025

Review of Epic Universe Part 4: Dark Universe

The unique power of theme parks as an art form comes from their ability to combine the built environment with the tools of theater (music, staging, actors, etc.) to create a cohesive environment in which the audience can imagine themselves in a different time or place.

Theme parks can tap into existing cultural ideas and bring them to life. The caves sequence at the beginning of Pirates of the Caribbean in Disneyland works because everyone knows what a pirate's lair is supposed to be like, and the thing you see at the beginning of the ride executes the concept at a grand scale. So even though not much is going on, it is everything you imagined it would be, and at any moment, you could imagine Blackbeard himself burying another treasure chest.

Platform 9 ¾ at Universal Studios Florida does this too. The ideas in Harry Potter are as much a part of American culture as apple pie, so when the full size Hogwarts Express train pulls into the station, nearly everyone has a set of expectations about what that should be like. So when costumed operators manage the excited crowds into the passenger cars to the musical score from the Harry Potter films, every detail adds up to what people imagine it to be like. All of the tools at the disposal of a theme park combine to help the guest imagine themselves as a student at Hogwarts getting ready to board the train to take them to wizarding school.

The Universal Classic Monsters are the most popular version of monsters in our culture. The Frankenstein book has been in the public domain for generations, but the version everyone thinks of is the version from Universal's film library.

Prior to EU, however, Universal has limited their use of the Classic Monsters in their theme parks to stage shows like Beetlejuice's Rockin' Graveyard Revue and the Horror Make-Up Show. But these shows are jokey, and play up the camp elements of these characters and stories. In a lot of ways, they don't take the idea of Frankenstein, the Wolf Man, and the others very seriously.

The sense that these characters live in a world one could visit has not been attempted in a theme park setting prior to EU's Dark Universe.

Dark Universe ★★★☆

The Dark Universe section of the park is accessed through a graveyard which leads to the grey and foreboding village of Darkmoor. Towering over the village is Castle Frankenstein, which periodically erupts with lightning. Beyond the castle, the land becomes less well defined, with a large rollercoaster (and safety netting) filling the forest. Finally, the Burning Blade tavern sits underneath a very impressive windmill that lights on fire periodically.

This land features some great streetmosphere actors (which play the characters in a more comic fashion, so the people who like camp definitely have something to enjoy) in addition to the impressive settings and rides. Darkmoor in particular is a really fun environment.

The forested portion of the land currently isn't much of a forest, and I am concerned that the rollercoaster's safety envelope may prevent it from ever growing into one.

If I didn't decide to stick to my own stupid rules when I started this review, I would give the Darkmoor portion of Dark Universe four stars and the forested area near the Curse of the Werewolf would get only two.

The Burning Blade Tavern [restaurant] ★★☆☆

The exterior of the Burning Blade is amazing. There really isn't much more to say about it.

While I was at the park in April, we went inside the Burning Blade Tavern and used Mobile Order to get a garlic stake-themed garlic bread. The food was disappointing, but the bigger issue is that the food pickup window was outside (at a window you could see from the inside of the tavern!) After I got the food, I realized I needed a fork. So I waited at the bar to ask for one, and the bartender said I had to go back outside to get it from the pickup window (which opens into the very kitchen he is standing in!)

This is the kind of hiccup that I am sure will get resolved as the park operations meet reality. But it still is strange that food is currently only available at the mostly-unthemed outside seating area.

A lot of the quick service food at this park seems to be Mobile Order only. I think that Mobile Order is a fine service to offer, but I think some of the execution was a bit confusing. Perhaps that is something that will improve with time as well.

Curse of the Werewolf ★★½☆

This is a launched rollercoaster with spinning ride vehicles. It is a fun ride, but the the theming is pretty sparse. The queue has nice decorations with a somewhat generic traveling carnival theme. Once on the ride, guests encounter a couple of static figures. But the ride is definitely not telling any story in a Universal ride narrative sense.

Theme parks have a long tradition of rollercoasters expressing the theme of a ride by having elements that are a physical embodiment of whatever the ride is supposed to be about. For instance, the Incredible Hulk Coaster is relatively unthemed in a scenic sense. But the launch followed by large looping elements do feel like what Bruce Banner feels when he turns into the Hulk.

Not every rollercoaster needs to be Hagrid's Magical Creature Motorbike Adventure!

But it's not clear how the Curse of the Werewolf is an interpretation of turning into a werewolf. I don't think of werewolves as spinning very much. And the portion of the ride where the train stalls and launches again also doesn't feel very wolf-like.

Its a fun coaster, but in a park filled with excellent rides and coherent themes, this ride falls short. It is more like a second-tier ride at Busch Gardens. It's nice. But not to the standards of the rest of the park.

Monsters Unchained: The Frankenstein Experiment ★★★★

Monsters Unchained is everything that Curse of the Werewolf isn't. Grand. Ambitious. And executed extremely well.

The queue is an elaborate tour of Frankenstein Castle, including artifacts from Victoria Frankenstein's more recent experiments. Apparently the ride takes place in the present, because many of the artifacts seem to be kept at bay with modern technology.

After a series of very impressive preshows, guests pass a set of double sided lockers and Dracula's open casket before boarding the ride at a giant turntable. What follows is a series of vignettes full of classic horror movie imagery that probably makes sense if you ride it enough times to piece it all together. But it actually doesn't matter because it is so overwhelming and impressive.

The best Universal-style rides are the ones where the plot takes a back seat to the action. In The Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man and in Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey, the rider is overwhelmed by a series of impressive scenes featuring everything you imagine a ride on this subject should contain.

In the case of Spider-Man, it doesn't matter that Doc Octopus' scheme to ransom the Statue of Liberty is completely silly. What matters is that you get to see your favorite Spider-Man villains and have a fireball blown in your face.

Likewise, you don't care that Harry Potter wouldn't skip an important Quidditch game to lead some strangers around on a flying bench--you get to chase a dragon and get attacked by dementors!

Monsters Unchained is as impressive as those other two rides. It features most of the tricks in the book, a collection of special effects on a grand scale, and every classic monster you might want to see in a ride. This ride is the peak of the Universal house style and is one of the best rides in the world.

Over the past few weeks, it has become clear that this ride has a great capacity too. Lines for this ride rarely get to be over 45 minutes while the other headliners even off north of 90 minutes. The team for this ride really knocked it out of the park with this one. At the time of this writing, I haven't yet been on Harry Potter and the Battle at the Ministry. But I would be shocked if this isn't the best ride at the park.

Series Directory

Review of Epic Universe Part 1: South Campus, Terra Luna, and Main Entry

Review of Epic Universe Part 2: Celestial Park

Review of Epic Universe Part 3: Super Nintendo World

Review of Epic Universe Part 4: Dark Universe

Review of Epic Universe Part 5: The Wizarding World of Harry Potter — Ministry of Magic

Review of Epic Universe Part 6: How to Train Your Dragon — Isle of Berk

Review of Epic Universe Part 3: Super Nintendo World

This portion of my review is highly biased. I can't say why. Maybe it is because I am secretly Shigeru Miyamoto. You'll never know...

Super Nintendo World ★★★★

Super Nintendo World looks great! The experience of going through the portal into the land is almost overwhelming.

Everywhere you look, there is something moving. Everything is so bright and colorful you don't care that you are getting sunburned. I have reasons to believe that this land will continue to look pretty good even after a few years of baking in the sun. But it is hard to believe that something this colorful can exist in the real world.

This is not a place to relax. But it is a rare thing in theme parks for something to be everything you imagined it could be. I think that the land of Super Nintendo World achieves this goal.

If I have one complaint about this land, it would be that there is only one restroom for the entire land. The restroom itself is pretty good, with an underwater level theme. But it is very far away from the Toadstool Cafe and the queue for Mario Kart. And finding it is not so easy. I would not want to be a team member in this land who has to try to explain how to get to this restroom to a guest who needs it urgently.


Good luck describing how to find the restrooms to someone in Toadstool Cafe and the queue for Mario Kart... Photo credit: Theme Park Worldwide

I did not get an opportunity to play any of the games that are accessible with the purchase of a Power Up Band. I may write a review of that experience after I get an opportunity to play with it some, especially if I feel like I have something insightful to say (HA!). But for now, we will continue on to the rides...

Mine-Cart Madness ★★★½

The first attraction I experienced at EU was Donkey Kong's rollercoaster, Mine-Cart Madness. This is a first of its kind "boom coaster", which utilizes a real track hidden by a faux track and ride vehicles that hold the passenger compartment at the end of a long boom to simulate jumps. This ride goes through the list of everything you could ever want a coaster that appears to jump the track to do. It's pretty great.

The ride is short and a little bumpy. And the jumping effect isn't completely convincing (a subwoofer built into the seat like what is in use over at Monsters Unchained would go a long way towards giving the riders a more convincing effect of riding on the faux track. Turning off such an effect at the jump points would really sell the illusion). On each of my first two rides, the effect towards the beginning where Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong have a near miss with your vehicle was not working.

And yet, this ride delivers. It looks incredible, it is fun, and it is suitable for a pretty wide audience. The near miss effect was working when I visited the park in a more recent visit as well. This is a great effect!

This is a really fun ride. I am happy to have spent almost five years of my life working on this thing.

Yoshi’s Adventure ★★☆☆

This ride takes you around the second level of Super Nintendo World looking for colorful eggs in the back of an endless chain of Yoshi ride vehicles. It is really simple and gives the rider a chance to see everything from a different vantage point. It is the Nintendo equivalent of Tomorrowland Transit Authority Peoplemover at Magic Kingdom.

Photo credit: @bioreconstruct

But what keeps this ride from getting a better score from me is the low speed, long stretches in the hot sun, and the somewhat puzzling use of individually-ratcheting lap bars on this ride that would otherwise be suitable for infants.

Animatronics tend to get pretty baked in the Florida sun, and Universal doesn't have a particularly great track record of keeping this sort of thing looking well maintained (I'm looking at you, High in the Sky Seuss Trolley Train Ride!) So I worry about how well this will hold up.

Finally, the configuration of the exit is a little strange. One gets the feeling that you must walk against the rotation of the turntable to exit. I am not aware of any other ride that makes you feel like that when you get off. The turntables at most rides have the load/unload near the halfway point on the circle, and this does too, but something about it seems off.

Overall, it is a charming ride. But not as much of a stand out.

Mario Kart: Bowser’s Challenge ★★½☆

My rating for this is based on a single ride through. On my second visit to EU, the line ended up stalling for over an hour, so we bailed on it. So it is possible that it improves with re-rides.

The scale and detail in the queue is great, but the ride itself is very reliant on augmented reality, which I didn't particularly care for. The overwhelming sense of the ride is that it is a game where you have to shoot things. And the actual video game versions of Mario Kart definitely have that aspect to them. But they are also racing games where you feel like you are going places fast, and this ride doesn't ever really give that feeling.

There is a lot of great stuff here, and the technology was definitely ambitious. But I don't really think this is what I want out of a Mario Kart attraction.

Don't take my word for it, though. It seems to always have a pretty sizable line, despite a very respectable hourly capacity. So it must be doing something right. It probably just isn't for me.

Series Directory

Review of Epic Universe Part 1: South Campus, Terra Luna, and Main Entry

Review of Epic Universe Part 2: Celestial Park

Review of Epic Universe Part 3: Super Nintendo World

Review of Epic Universe Part 4: Dark Universe

Review of Epic Universe Part 5: The Wizarding World of Harry Potter — Ministry of Magic

Review of Epic Universe Part 6: How to Train Your Dragon — Isle of Berk

Review of Epic Universe Part 2: Celestial Park

I am not entirely sure why I am writing this one. I already reviewed the parking lot of Epic Universe (EU), which is the only aspect of the park that I can unironically present myself as speaking with authority about. But I actually like the stuff inside of theme parks more than their parking lots. So I am going to review that stuff too.

Celestial Park ★★★★

Once inside the park, you are inside Celestial Park, which runs from the entrance to the Helios Grand Hotel. The end closest to the park entrance features covered arcades lining the shops.

Further into the park, the shade ends. This leads to one of the only negative comments I have heard about EU, that there isn't enough shade, especially in Celestial Park. I am not very concerned about the shade issue in this area of the park. The landscaping here will eventually fill in. Only the paths crossing the central water feature will be in the direct sun in a few years time.

The buildings in this part of the park are ornate in a way that I wasn't sure would work, but after seeing it in person, I think it is very successful.

The central water features include dozens of fountains and jets that add a great kinetic element to this area. Overall, I came to this portion of the park with fairly muted expectations, and was impressed by how nice it is. From my perspective, this part of the park is a very pleasant place.

Constellation Carousel ★★★☆

Between Super Nintendo World and Dark Universe is a large domed structure housing the parks "carousel". I put it in quotation marks because it isn't mechanically a carousel, and only some of the seats have motion similar to that of a carousel.

Photo credit: Me. Steal it for all I care!

The ceiling of the dome has cool spinning things, and is really fun to look at. The center of the attraction at ground level feels a bit empty, though.

On my first visit, the ride broke down about 20 seconds into the cycle, and we were instructed to exit the ride from a non-home position. For those of you keeping score, that means I get to count this as a ride evacuation!(1)

After the evacuation, the ride was reset and we got to do a complete ride. It is fun! The motion is as gentle as a conventional carousel, but the forwards and backwards movement is a nice addition. The animals and other vehicles you can ride look nice, and are about as comfortable as any other carousel animal.

One unusual aspect of this ride is the inclusion of individual seat belts (similar to the restraints on Soarin' or Star Tours. It is hard to imagine them doing much other than slowing the ride cycle time. Speaking of which, the dispatch interval on both visits for this ride was quite low. Hopefully that is something that will improve as the operators gain experience.

Stardust Racers ★★★½

Stardust Racers is a pair of two exceptionally long dueling/racing coasters with a comet chasing motif and a great onboard audio system. On my first visit, I made the mistake of riding while dehydrated, hungry, and overheated. So I had a pretty awful time. But I rectified each of those problems for my ride on my second visit, and all of my concerns went away.

This ride is great!

Other people can describe coasters better than I can, so I won't attempt to try. But it is a lot of fun.

The queue features the two-sided locker system and metal detectors that were first used at VelociCoaster in Islands of Adventure. Everything about the experience is very good.

If I had one complaint, it would be that the line feels very slow after the line splits between the two tracks. Every time I rode, the ride was operating with two trains on each side. This pair of coasters appears to be capable of four trains per track, which would help with this problem immensely. But in the meantime, it reminded me of how slow the line for Dueling Dragons (Islands of Adventure 1999-2017) felt after you choose thy fate.

The amount of queuing space for this ride is immense, but the ride rarely had a wait exceeding 30 minutes with almost all the line in between the metal detectors and the station. I am sure it mostly has to do with the great hourly capacity (even with two train operation), but this facility is intended to handle way more people that I was seeing on both preview days. Is the ride just too intense? I'm not sure.

Atlantic [restaurant] ★★★★

Atlantic is the table service restaurant in the center of Celestial Park, overlooking the central waterway and fountains. The interior is really nice, with cool stained glass light-up fish on a track "swimming" above. It is such a relaxing place to cool down.

On both visits to the park, I had lunch here, and both meals were excellent.

Overall, Celestial Park really exceeded my expectations.

Series Directory

Review of Epic Universe Part 1: South Campus, Terra Luna, and Main Entry

Review of Epic Universe Part 2: Celestial Park

Review of Epic Universe Part 3: Super Nintendo World

Review of Epic Universe Part 4: Dark Universe

Review of Epic Universe Part 5: The Wizarding World of Harry Potter — Ministry of Magic

Review of Epic Universe Part 6: How to Train Your Dragon — Isle of Berk

Notes

(1) The rides I have been evacuated from, including the approximate year, include:

2025: Constellation Carousel (Epic Universe)

2024: Dinosaur (Animal Kingdom)

2019: Monsters, Inc. Mike & Sulley to the Rescue! (Disney California Adventure)

2017: Universe of Energy (Epcot)

2011: Journey into Your Imagination with Figment (Epcot), *Mission: Space (Epcot)*, Spaceship Earth (Epcot)

2007: Toy Story Midway Mania (Disney's Hollywood Studios)

2006: Spaceship Earth (Epcot)

*Occurred as a part of ride operations training, so I might not get to count this instance.