I would like to start this review with a well known parable as old as time itself:
There was once a literary and film franchise that was beloved by everyone, for it was the Holy Texts. And so it is written, the Righeous Executive of a theme park in the Kingdom of Swamplandia bought the rights to make a theme park land based on the Holy Texts for many gold coins.After many years and hard work by the Wisest in the Land, the theme park land opened and specialty beverages poured liberally from every restaurant to the eager mouths of the people.And it was good.The Righteous Executive surveyed their work and decreed that the theme park in the Kingdom of Swamplandia would not be the only place to have this theme park land based on the Holy Texts, so they made a copy of the theme park land across the sea.And because the love for the Holy Texts was found in the hearts of everyone everywhere, it too was beloved. And the Righteous Executives smiled, for they were bringing joy to the hearts of the people.Because one was good and two was better, the Righteous Executives decreed that not one, but two more theme park lands would be built from the Holy Texts.One would go at the theme park on the top of Mount Oluwood, and the other in their second theme park in the the Kingdom of Swamplandia.And as it was written, so it was that the park on the top of Mount Oluwood would get the same theme park land that was originally built in the Kingdom of Swamplandia and was copied across the sea.But in a stroke of genius, the Righteous Executive decreed that the other theme park in the Kingdom of Swamplandia would be something new. It would be based on the other part of the Holy Texts that everyone knew and wanted to see.After many years and hard work, and many gold coins spent, the theme park land opened. And lo, it is written that it was bigger and more impressive than the ones that came before. And as it is written, the specialty beverages poured liberally from every restaurant to the eager mouths of the people.
And it was good.The Righteous Executive came to believe that the theme park lands based on the Holy Texts were the key to their success. So when it came down from on high that a new theme park would be built in the Kingdom of Swamplandia, the Righteous Executives knew exactly what to do.For at this time, the Prophet of the Holy Texts had received wisdom to create some New Holy Texts. These New Holy Texts included new places and things that surely would be as beloved as the places in the original theme park lands.So the Righteous Executive decreed that the New Holy Texts would be a part of the new theme park. And the Wisest in the Land set about making it so for more gold coins than any of the lands before it.But the Prophet made a mistake. The New Holy Texts were not universally loved, for they were not very good. What started as five new texts became three. And nobody's hearts were enchanted by the wisdom in these New Holy Texts.But it was too late!
The Righteous Executive had already committed to building the land from the New Holy Texts. But a ride in the New Holy Texts would not bring joy to the people. So instead, the ride would need to be from the old Holy Texts.But how?
* * *
Many years later, on the eve of the coronation of the new theme park, the Righteous Executive lay awake in bed, wondering if his solution would save the day.How do you bring the people from the land of the New Holy Texts to the land of the old Holy Texts? A bead of sweat formed on his brow.
The solution was time travel.And the new park opened.
And it was good.
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| Photo credit: Universal. ©2021 Universal Orlando. All Rights Reserved. |
The Wizarding World of Harry Potter — Ministry of Magic ★★★½
I've never met anyone who thinks the 2016 film Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is great. But a lot of people liked it well enough. And the film included the wizarding version of 1920s Paris, which is certainly a compelling location for a theme park land.
So despite the tepid source material, as a location to spend time in, EU's Wizarding World of Harry Potter is pretty wonderful.
In my opinion, a perfect theme park land is a distinctive setting where people want to go, a location where appealing stores and restaurants would feel at home, and a base for rides that people want to ride.
Two out of three isn't bad!
So what if the headliner attraction is located over 200 miles and 70 years away?
The Harry Potter universe includes all the tools you need to solve this problem: the Floo Network can transport you instantly to London, and the Time Turner can bring you forward ~70 years to the timeline people actually care about! Slap a time turner motif on the portal into the land and Bob's your uncle!
This land is beautiful. It is grand. It is shaded. The restaurants are good. The stores are interesting. What's not to love?
On the other hand, will any future rides also need to use the Floo Network and a time turner?
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| Photo credit: Universal. ©2021 Universal Orlando. All Rights Reserved. |
Le Cirque Arcanus ★★★☆
Le
Cirque Arcanus is probably the only in-universe story that anyone would have any interest in seeing that is set in 1920s Paris from the Harry Potter franchise.
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| Photo credit: Universal. ©2021 Universal Orlando. All Rights Reserved. |
The show has some really impressive effects, including an amazing set transformation midway through the show and some excellent
puppets and costumed characters.
I have some reservations about the plot of the show. Why exactly is the circus guy bad? Is that just something from the movie I forgot about?
Surely, the creatures who live in the enchanted briefcase would return to the briefcase between shows. That would be a much better way to transport them than the old circus train system he previously used. So when Newt Scamander saves the day at the end, it was not clear to me why this was better for the animals than the alternative.
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| Photo credit: Universal. ©2021 Universal Orlando. All Rights Reserved. |
I also think the circus stuff in the first half of the show is a little strange. Are the other performers supposed to be magical? Is the aerialist performing with the broom supposed to be riding it? The way she moves in relation to the broom does not look like the broom is the source of her flight. In the universe of the show, is she just flying around the broom using magic unrelated to the broom? Or is she on wires in the world of the show too?
But overall, I find the show to be charming and definitely worth seeing at a day in EU.
Harry Potter and the Battle at the Ministry ★★★½
Ok, so now that we've used the Floo Network and the Time Turner to get to magical London in 1998, was it worth it?
Yeah. It's worth it.
The Ministry of Magic queue area is very good. And with the ride operating reasonably reliably, the queue actually moves at a decent pace.
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| Photo credit: Universal. ©2021 Universal Orlando. All Rights Reserved. |
The ride vehicles are beautiful, although the placement of the two doors makes loading unintuitive. The doors are located about 1/3 of the way from the edge of the vehicle on each side. If they were placed at the edges of the ride vehicle, guests could file into the vehicle with single file lines. And I bet the process would be much less complicated.
Even after three rides, I am not entirely sure where I was supposed to sit based on my number. I was with a large enough group each time that it didn't matter. But it's got to be difficult for non-English speakers.
The ride itself has some amazing sequences with incredible scale. And the animatronics are very good. The projections and video walls are extremely crisp.
But some of the scenes where Harry Potter's elevator is in front of you are strange: on each side of the elevator, there are projections, but the space above and below the elevator is just a black void. For something with otherwise quite good sight lines, it looks impressionistic in an otherwise lifelike world.
The ride works, and although it doesn't quite reach the perfection of Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey, it is certainly a solid offering.
Series Directory
Review of Epic Universe Part 5: The Wizarding World of Harry Potter — Ministry of Magic
Review of Epic Universe Part 6: How to Train Your Dragon — Isle of Berk
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